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I"m having a (fairly) civil argument with my team leader at work and we can"t agree. The other party makes two or three blaming statements which I feel are untrue, but then immediately says "I don"t want to argue anymore".

I told Alice to tell you to do X, so why did you do Y? Anyway, I don"t want to argue anymore.

I feel this is passive-aggressive. Should I say "I don"t want to argue either, but I need to address your last statements?" If I just agree to not argue, it feels like I"m tacitly agreeing with their statements and accepting their blame.

Or should I just say "I disagree with what you said and I don"t want to argue either"? Do I have the right of reply and what"s the best way of responding without dragging out/restarting the argument?


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edited Sep 20 "17 at 2:45
CJ Dennis
asked Sep 20 "17 at 1:52
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CJ DennisCJ Dennis
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Could you elaborate and add some more details? What was the conversation about? Was this with a friend, family, an acquaintance, etc.? What is your goal or goals in this conversation: are you trying to win the argument, preserve the relationship, etc.? Where are you located--hyakkendana-hashigozake.com skills are culturally specific.
–user288
Sep 20 "17 at 2:34


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This is the same with acquaintances, friends, close friends, and relatives.

Stop

When someone wish not to argue anymore, please respect it.

You may give one last statement, but do it without inciting more arguments.

Okay, but I still think Spiderman is the strongest.

Okay, but I still think I"m not wrong for doing Y.

Stopping the argument is not the same as agreeing/giving in to your opponent"s argument.

By stopping the argument there, you are saving your relationship with that person and preventing it turns into personal conflict, especially not in workplace and with your team leader. No one wants yelling and swearing in an argument.

Since this happens in a workplace, email your team leader the details why you think you are not wrong. Email has neutral tone, and you can make sure your points are delivered first before your team leader responds. Hopefully he/she can respond with clear head.

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Bonus: using email will establish a history of your exchange of arguments, which later can be a leverage when your action is questioned by your manager.