My friends and I realized we’ve all been asked to do the same thing on a first or second date, and we’re wondering if we should go along with it. If a man invites me to his home for dinner, should I accept? He says he’d rather be in a quiet place to get to know me but I feel like he’s just trying to make it easier for us to have sex. What do you think?
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Maybe it’s the mom in me, but that doesn’t seem like a good idea. To back me up, I spoke with someone who actually has a whole chapter of a new book devoted to this very topic.
Karenna Alexander, matchmaker and dating coach from Norwalk, calls this “the oldest trick in the book."
“Some women are flattered by this,” she says. “They think they"re special because he"s inviting them into his home and cooking for them. So they drive to his house, all glammed up in heels and made up, dressed to impress, and they serve themselves up to him on a silver platter.”
Alexander tells her clients that they shouldn"t be impressed when a man makes such an offer because the reader is right. It"s often a ploy to get a woman to sleep with a man.
“It"s a very lazy way to court a woman, too,” she says. “I believe the initial stages of dating should be about courtship, outside of his or her home. A man who makes such a request isn"t always or necessarily a bad guy. If a man likes you, he probably does want to sleep with you. But I tell women to pace relationships and to avoid going to a guy"s house too soon for an at home meal because it can very easily lead to sex.”
If a guy backs away because you refuse to have an at-home meal with him early on, then he was clearly just in it for sex, Alexander says. This is a great weeding out tool.
“I tell my clients to tell men who ask for home dates early on to tell the guy ‘I prefer to go out.’ The good guys will respect that and will understand you"re not ready to get too cozy with him too early on. The good guys will make a restaurant reservation.”
I’m a single guy living a pretty good life. I am frugal, though, and it seems that this quality is getting in the way of my finding a woman. I recently went on a first date with a woman who later told me she was turned off by the fact that I used a gift card to pay for our dinner and drove a few extra miles to buy cheaper gas for my economical car. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I actually have about a million dollars in the bank and will likely retire comfortably at 55. Do I need to act differently on a first date just to impress a woman?
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